Preschool started about a month ago. The school has built brand new unit to welcome children between 2 and 3 years old. Ben’s class is made of 8 children looked after by 2 teachers. The teachers/children ratio is amazing compared to most Italian schools where there are only 2 teachers for 25/30 kids of different ages.

Ben loves it! He’s learning social skills, many new words, new games, he’s getting more creative and independent. He’s even getting a nice British accent, and now he sounds ridiculously funny when he speaks Italian!

It’s all that I imagined it would be, but, because there is always a but, the class is at a “wrong” time, between 12.30 and 3.30, exactly when he would normally get his afternoon nap.

Since the very start I was worried about it, despite everyone telling me “he will get used to it“. I was right to worry, and for once, I wish I wasn’t!

Ben’s behaviour is getting worst by the day. He’s over-tired, he even wakes up that way, and the constant lack of sleep boosts his aggressive side.

I miss my sweet boy, the one who makes me laugh and is always kind. Now there is only kicking, slapping, screaming, shouting “no” to most requests, and the upsetting “go away” when I try to help him through his meltdowns.

Diego keeps telling me not to take all this personally, but at the moment I’m struggling with it.

Ben’s disruptive behaviour is a constant, both during the day and the night. Yes, because he’s no longer sleeping through the night now. He now wakes up two/three times a night crying and calling for me. Once I get into the room all I get is an angry “go away” as soon as I approach his bed. If I try to pick him up, the kicks, the toys throwing, and the screaming reach a new level.

Ben’s teachers had stopped me a few times “Ben has been very hands on today. We will monitor him“. Sure they can keep an eye on him, but the solution is to find him a spot in the morning class! When I told them that (again and again) they weren’t too impressed with my solution and they just told me “another couple of weeks and he will get used to the new routine”. Grrrrr!! I could feel a rush of blood to the head…

I’m feeling low and demoralised, and I don’t know what to do to improve the situation.
I thought about skipping school this year, and try again in one year time when Ben turns 3. Then I look at Ben’s eyes light up when the school gate opens, and I think that I cannot deny him this experience.

A friend told me that I look at Ben’s outbursts with the eye of an adoptive parent, and not those of a birth mother. Maybe she’s right, I over-worried and wait for problems to emerge, just because he was adopted. Or maybe I just don’t feel like asking Ben to get used to situations that he clearly cannot handle yet.

Last week Ben hasn’t been feeling too well. Nothing serious, but no school for a couple of days. I had such a great time with him! He was happy, relaxed, playful. No screaming, no kicking, no shouting and, more importantly, no meltdowns.

In between a nappy change and a paint session, suddenly my sweet caring lovable boy came back. Now I’m scared he will vanish again with the next school run.

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  1. newlyadoptivemum 6th May 2016 Reply
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