5 minutes peace to say thank you

About a month ago I wrote a post about how Ben’s behaviour deteriorated when he started pre-school, and how unregulated and aggressive he became.

Many commented on the post and sent me encouraging tweets. I didn’t expect so much support. It was a big boost in confidence, and surely a big influence on the decision Diego and I made next.

School went on for a couple of weeks after that post. The situation at home didn’t improve at all, I actually think we hit rock bottom. Stress level was through the roof, lack of sleep was hindering my attempt at therapeutic parenting, I felt unhappy and a failure as a parent. Ben was constantly aggressive and defiant, nothing could make him happy or calm. Although I knew perfectly well how we got to that point, I couldn’t really take the only decision that would have solved the situation: remove Ben from school. I was feeling like I would somehow compromise Ben’s education or his emotional development, or that I was taking away something he loved just to make my life easier.

Then school break arrived, and things started to feel better: Ben was laughing again, and I unwound. By mid of school holidays, I felt happy, full of hope and positive. Ben came back to sleep properly and for the whole night, his face looked relaxed, he stopped shouting at me, and he didn’t kick or punched me once. He actually sought my company, and was very affectionate!

I went back to read all the comments on my post again, and to reflect on what to do next. By that Friday I texted Diego at work: “We cannot send Ben back to school”. And Diego agreed.

And that was that!

School is out of the picture now. At first I felt remorseful and guilty. Then we attended few playgroups, the same groups we were going to before the school began, and all my worries disappeared.

Looking at Ben playing, laughing, sharing, sweating, falling, jumping, and running like a headless chicken in the playground, I just knew Diego and I took the right choice.

Ben is happy, and that’s all it matters.

If I had 5 minutes peace… I would want to use this time to thank all the people that gave me the confidence of taking this decision, that told me to believe in myself and to go with my guts. I hope someday I will be able to do the same for someone who might be struggling and in need of an extra dose of confidence.