My adoptive son, 5, has been with myself and my wife for three and a half years now. He is strong healthy and adorable and has taken to school life far better than we ever expected.
He is intelligent and now has begun asking questions about who he is at bedtime to catch me on the hop. Well that’s how it makes me feel. We read our bedtime book, snuggle and suddenly “you know the lady that made me, what is her name?”. “You know the man that made me, is he still in prison, is he a bad man?”.
When first answering these questions, the words of his social worker rattled in my head “be honest, age appropriate and consistent”. I answered that the lady that made him could not look after him and did not feed him properly and the man that made him sold chemicals called drugs and smoked them near him in the house. I told him they did love him but loved the other things in their life more.
As quickly as the questions come, they are replaced with “when is it Christmas” or “can we play Lego Star Wars tomorrow?”. Amazing how resilient children are, and we as their parents are there to drip feed the information they need as their questions and curiosity is stimulated by school, friends and situations.
I will be ready for the next question probably while reading the Grufallo or a Squash and a Squeeze as we snuggle.
As an adopted adult, I applaud your compassion and honesty regarding your adopted son’s origins. I had one area of concern. You told him his parents loved other things more than they loved him. This may or may not be the case. You do not know what they love. There may have been trauma in their lives that caused them to use chemicals. They could be in the throes of addiction for many reasons, usually not a love of drugs above all else, though it may look like that from the outside.
Just please, be careful how you talk about this boy’s parents. No one likes to hear their parents spoken about in a bad way, even little adopted kids.
Marylee many thanks for your comments and advice from an adoption perspective. I don’t think my blog probably reflects the actual wording I use with my son but I will take on board your advice.